If I'm blessed to move through this disease to a place of functionality and comfort again (which my Dr. encourages me that I probably will), I don't want to forget the place of chronic and unrelenting pain that many others struggle with or are given grace to invite in as a friend. I think this issue of pain may be one where there's a spot to serve hurting people....so I write to remember.
From the very little I know so far, I'll comment on chronic suffering. I'm certain some or many have it way, way worse.
-Sleepless nights of sharp or dull & unrelenting pain = exhaustion
-Eagerness for the early morning hour to arrive
-Inability to do what was considered normal - or anything at all really
-Loss of ability to cope with the pain by the evening, if not in the morning
-Desperation for God to pour out more grace, as it is sufficient with the thorn...it's just sometimes very hard to grasp His grace
-A constant pool of tears waiting to pour out
-Wearing only a select few items in the wardrobe, those that are least difficult to get on and off
-Reluctancy to commit to doing anything or even coffee dates, not knowing how one will feel
-Or committing to an activity, only to have to cancel
-Wanting to stay home almost all the time....very fun for the spouse
-Going to bed right after dinner....more fun for the spouse, which also means turning down dinner invitations and never inviting one over to your house for dinner
-Wimpy hugs to avoid pain
-An occasional question from one who doesn't know you well that goes like this: "Are you fine? You look fine." or "I hope you're getting better and will be on your feet soon" What do you say - such nice sentiments, but you know you're on a long journey and this is not a 24 flu
-Hoping no one will want to shake your hand at church (ouch)
-The spouse or caretaker finding each day to be ground-hogs-day, and the corresponding sadness to have the relationship be 0-100%
And then SO MANY blessings are given, a few of which are:
-People coming out of the woodwork telling you they are praying for you, and they do
-Sweet cards of humor and encouragement
-Phone calls
-Books of inspiration that are easy to hold and read
-Compassion to permit my tears
-Questions that indicate someone really does want to know, even though it seems like a worn out record
-Conversations that get one's mind off the pain
-God really showing up to comfort and encourage
-Devotional readings speaking just to you
-Comforting touch and light massages
-Talking with someone who is or has been in chronic pain...it's a club no one wants to join, but is a "fellowship" of suffering with others who understand
"But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." II Cor 12:9
"No temptation/trial has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted/tried beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted/tried, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." I Cor 10:13
Amen and amen Lord God!
I melted down last Wednesday when Greg went out of town (really, this does lighten!). I almost like to meltdown most days, because it's so refreshing on the other side of the tears! I found I had two very eager companions desiring to share my burden. My dog Addie ran to my side and fixed her sweet eyes on me, not leaving me until my tears dried up.
When crawling into bed that night, Asher jumped up to join me (Greg was out of town, so he took liberty to keep that side of the bed warm). Usually independent and keeping an arms reach distance, he laid his head right next to mine. And if you've seen him, he has a huge head. As I wrestled out loud with the pain, even he let out a huge sigh. Maybe he wished I would be quiet so he could sleep, but it felt compassionate! I sensed even through the dogs, God's significant gentleness and comfort. And I gratefully drifted off to sleep.
