ENDURING

"Sometimes all we can do is endure," my dear friend Kathy wisely said to me months ago.

So in this enduring time, that's what I'm again striving for. I upped (with my MD/ND's permission) the dosage of prednisone hoping for relief and the stop of the return of issues, and the hope to then drop it more slowly beginning in a couple of weeks.

I hear on one medical side from two MD's to be patient and wait, that the great foods and diet I am on will work in time. And on the other medical side, that I need to get myself all lined up with a better rheumatologist for the heavy hitter biologic drugs, in case my plan #1 doesn't work before I start to see deformities happening. (My aversion to those drugs is their reported 400% increase in cancer cases with those on them for a while, as well as the shot-in-the-dark with which one might work.)

So I am enduring with God's help. I am seeking an attitude of gratitude, which is in hiding a lot of the time. I am aiming at a focus on others and joy, in spite of the throbs and other random joint issues. I am learning to live a new way. (Can I say I don't particularly like it? This is hard!)

Yet there's always joy to be mined out in the sorrow, Henry Nouwan says. So again I ...take Jesus' yoke on me to learn from Him, for He is gentle and humble in heart, and I will find rest for my soul. His perfect love casts out all fear....