It dawned on me today, the day after I began to surrender my future again, that I had grasped the slippery handle of control again. My mind began to operate in the "when I'm fully well" stage. I began to picture myself doing what I had always done, with maybe some tweaks and new insights added in.
But today I am wondering. I think that perhaps the Lord doesn't want me to be and do and live as I used to. By default, I lean towards what I've always done, how I've always been. But with such a traumatic ordeal these last 6+ months (to me), it's not without purpose (thank you Jana for those words of encouragement at the beginning of my journey!) To unintentionally run from the many lessons and treasures of this difficult time leaves it void.
So I'm pondering, since the Lord sees fit that I'm slowed down and not quite so comfortable again in various degrees. (Praise Him, it's not what it was in early February!)
My friend Ellen sent me a thought provoking newsletter from a missionary couple we both know. It spoke of the new seasons of getting older and of doing less, because one has less of themselves to "do" with. And to merely look for the door the Lord is opening for each of us. I don't have to have 5 doors to go in and out of, as much as my former self would like. I just need to keep my eye out and my heart willing to walk through the one door. Who knows to where it will open!
Remember "Let's Make a Deal?" I loved that show as a kid....wondering which door the contestant would choose, and what is behind each one. The exciting thing about God's doors is that He never sets before us a gong-prize door. Perhaps not what we expected, but what do we know!
Nothing compares to His wisdom, power, might, love, plans, and purpose!
Father, please help me to listen to Your Spirit within me, to discern Your open door and Your ways for me, and to relax in the process of living each day with what I have today. Please help me choose gratitude. And to thank You in the questions and the unknowns. For You Are Truly and Eternally Good!