I WANT TO REMEMBER

If I'm blessed to move through this disease to a place of functionality and comfort again (which my Dr. encourages me that I probably will), I don't want to forget the place of chronic and unrelenting pain that many others struggle with or are given grace to invite in as a friend. I think this issue of pain may be one where there's a spot to serve hurting people....so I write to remember.


From the very little I know so far, I'll comment on chronic suffering. I'm certain some or many have it way, way worse.
-Sleepless nights of sharp or dull & unrelenting pain = exhaustion
-Eagerness for the early morning hour to arrive
-Inability to do what was considered normal - or anything at all really
-Loss of ability to cope with the pain by the evening, if not in the morning
-Desperation for God to pour out more grace, as it is sufficient with the thorn...it's just sometimes very hard to grasp His grace
-A constant pool of tears waiting to pour out
-Wearing only a select few items in the wardrobe, those that are least difficult to get on and off
-Reluctancy to commit to doing anything or even coffee dates, not knowing how one will feel
-Or committing to an activity, only to have to cancel
-Wanting to stay home almost all the time....very fun for the spouse
-Going to bed right after dinner....more fun for the spouse, which also means turning down dinner invitations and never inviting one over to your house for dinner
-Wimpy hugs to avoid pain
-An occasional question from one who doesn't know you well that goes like this: "Are you fine? You look fine." or "I hope you're getting better and will be on your feet soon" What do you say - such nice sentiments, but you know you're on a long journey and this is not a 24 flu
-Hoping no one will want to shake your hand at church (ouch)
-The spouse or caretaker finding each day to be ground-hogs-day, and the corresponding sadness to have the relationship be 0-100%

And then SO MANY blessings are given, a few of which are:
-People coming out of the woodwork telling you they are praying for you, and they do
-Sweet cards of humor and encouragement
-Phone calls
-Books of inspiration that are easy to hold and read
-Compassion to permit my tears
-Questions that indicate someone really does want to know, even though it seems like a worn out record
-Conversations that get one's mind off the pain
-God really showing up to comfort and encourage
-Devotional readings speaking just to you
-Comforting touch and light massages
-Talking with someone who is or has been in chronic pain...it's a club no one wants to join, but is a "fellowship" of suffering with others who understand

"But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." II Cor 12:9


"No temptation/trial has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted/tried beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted/tried, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." I Cor 10:13


Amen and amen Lord God!