Saturday, March 24, 2012


Mr. Wonderful-in-my-life wrapped his arms around me and asked me, "Will you still be sweet when you are well?" That is not an easy question to hear. It is not an easy question to answer.

I know the RIGHT answer, but how can I do and be what I don't do and be, well, by myself? Sweet.....what does that look like towards Greg in the midst of all my opinions and thoughts and ideas and desires?

I asked MWIML (code for above description of Greg) a few weeks ago, when I sensed some distance and formality towards me, whether he liked me and "us" better when I was sick and fully dependent on him. He stopped and paused, which is not something typical for this guy. He thoughtfully said that he liked it when I needed him.

Huh. Yikes. I apparently have some personal character and attitude work to do. I need to learn to be sweet. I need to learn to show my husband how much I need and appreciate him in the midst of my growing independence. This somehow feels like hard work for this self-focused woman.

"But if you do not drive out the inhabitants of the land, those you allow to remain will become barbs in your eyes and thorns in your sides. They will give you trouble in the land where you will live." Numbers 33:55

I have unkind inhabitants in my land! They are desiring to make me see things incorrectly - barbs in my eyes! I have self-focused, ungrateful thorns that have grown up and around my home! They are pointing out and pricking my much-loved man. Ahhhh.....Lord Jesus, help me! Please let me take Your yoke on me and learn from You....You Who are the One who is humble and gentle in heart!

"If I had cherished sin in my heart...." Ps 66:18 I do not cherish these sins of independent unkindness. I must be ruthless with myself. As kind as a lamb to Greg. As fierce as a lion towards my sin...utterly driving it out. I must surrender again to the Spirit's control. Yes. Thank You Lord.

Thank you for your prayers. God is continuing to change me, which is a very good thing! Please pray He helps me drive out and utterly destroy all the sinful inhabitants in my land. I suspect there are a number of them I think are friends, but they're not....maybe you've encountered a few of them when I've been with you. I'm sorry.

I had two more acupuncture treatments this week, leaving just two more in this series. I am so so thankful for them....and so thankful that they will be done for at least a month. They are p-a-i-n-f-u-l! Not because Dr. Silva and her colleague Benson aren't doing a fantastic work, but because I really messed my body up with this paint toxicity to such a degree that it hurts getting the toxins out, as well as the slow process of coming off  the prednisone (I'm only 5 mg away from the "no-possible-complications" dosage)!!! I much prefer the comfort of perspiring out toxins in the little sauna Greg purchased from Costco for me. (What a guy. He will do anything for me....and has.) Dr. Silva wants me to be patient, that this could take until summer until "I won't remember this anymore." I like that description and the hope she gives me! I tell you, most people go to her as a last resort, and most find substantial help for almost anything re their bodies (i.e. lifelong migraines, back issues, allergies, etc.). But I would recommend you go first! Go before heading into drug-land! She may just help you get well naturally and without surgery or drugs! I am also continuing on this new way of eating, which is very delicious! My body likes it, and Dr. Silva says eating no meats/dairy/refined or processed products has tremendous healing benefit. I know I recommended seeing the film, Forks Over Knives. I am recommending it again. Our food, as good intentioned as we may be, might be hurting us.


  1. Hi Barb. I came across your blog through John Stumbo's blog and have spent the last couple days reading through your journey. I'm so sorry this has happened to you and quite unnerved to be reminded so vividly that our lives are so fragile and not really under our control at all. I'm inspired by your trust and dependence on the Lord. Thanks for sharing your journey so candidly. I'm praying for you.

  2. Alesia - thank you for connecting and for praying! Yes, it's been quite a journey, but so very full of blessings and encouragement from the Lord, friends, and family. I don't want to ever forget, thus the blog!

    I'm warmed by how He's carried me...and I'm amazed at the pain others go through without hope of ever escaping this side of heaven. I'm curious whom the Lord will connect me with when I'm strong enough to be of service again! I trust there is more good to come of this paint-fume blunder on my part!